9.11 – “First Born” Remix

9_11Dean3 So…
9_11Sam2 So…
9_11Castiel1 We’ve doubled the cast list!
9_11Crowley1 So is this like Star Trek or Firefly now? We doing an ensemble show?
writers-group1 Screw that! Let’s split the party!
9_11Dean3 Awww man, why do I get stuck with Crowley?
9_11Sam2 Because I’m SO on an angel kick this season. Got tired of the taste of demon blood.
9_11Castiel3 Yay! I have a friend.
9_11Sam1 What about Dean?
9_11Sam2 … Ok point taken.
9_11Sam2 You bored?
9_11Castiel3 Totally.
9_11Sam1 Let’s go look for a plot coupon!
9_11Castiel3 Yay!
9_11Crowley1 Man, Dean, you’re looking scruffy. Sam the wife in this relationship? Keeping you clean?
9_11Dean2 That’s it, stabbity–
9_11Crowley1 Wait!
9_11Crowley3 Why are you so cranky?
9_11Dean1 Because Sam got a plot coupon and now he’s using it with my angel.
9_11Crowley3 Ok, how about we get your own plot coupon?
9_11Dean1 Like Sam’s?
9_11Crowley3 Better than Sam’s. We’re going to look for a weapon.
9_11Dean3 Yay! I like weapons.
9_11Crowley3 I know you do, Dean. So our first step is to look in your dad’s journal.
9_11Dean1 …My what?
9_11Crowley2 The journal. From your dad. The one you used to get all your answers and macguffins from.
9_11Dean1 Oh right! Man I forgot we had this. So it looks like we need to locate three pendants which will allow us to unlock the Master Sword…
9_11Castiel1 Sam! Look what I found…
9_11Sam2 A coupon? What does it say?
9_11Castiel3 ‘Good for locating one angel which previously inhabited your body.’
9_11Sam1 Awwww, but we already know where Lucifer is.
9_11Sam2 Wait! I got it! We’ll use it to locate Gadreel.
9_11Castiel2 Wish I thought of that. Ok Sam, according to this we need to… stabbity stab!
9_11Sam2 Owwwww! What is up with me and needles lately? Seriously, I don’t think it was the trials, but tetanus that’s been killing me.
9_11Castiel1 That would explain all the genital herpes I’ve been healing from you.
9_11Sam1 …Right. I got that from the needles…
9_11Dean1 Hi! We’re remembering my dad this episode!
9_11Tara Yep, I was a friend of his. Nudge Nudge.
9_11Crowley3 Wink Wink?
9_11Tara Oh, you’re wicked, ay?
9_11Crowley3 Say. No. More!
9_11Tara *cocks shotgun* No, I mean you’re wicked. My knee says so.
9_11Dean1 Damn, all the demons I fight, why don’t I have a detecting injury?
9_11Tara Ever been healed by an angel?
9_11Dean1 Aw man, all the time.
9_11Crowley1 Ladies, please! We’re after the first blade.
9_11Tara Why?
9_11Dean1 To kill Abaddon- Knight of Hell.
9_11Tara Why not use the Colt?
9_11Dean3 Uh… we’ve misplaced it.
9_11Tara Death’s Scythe?
9_11Dean3 He won’t take our calls any more.
9_11Tara An angel blade?
9_11Dean1 Uh… Crowley, you DO have one of those.
9_11Crowley2 So do you.
9_11Dean1 Oh. Right. Our plot coupon is only good for first weapons. Nothing bronze age or later.
9_11Tara Well I can give you the next leg of your quest, if I get a rare item.
9_11Crowley1 Oh I’ve got lots of those. Just let me out of here…
9_11Tara *bang*
9_11Dean2 Geez! What if there’s someone downstairs?
9_11Tara Hope so. I never liked him.
9_11Crowley3 ta da!
9_11Tara So now we set this map on fire and find out where it is…
9_11Dean1 Why a US map?
9_11Tara ?
9_11Crowley1 ?
9_11Dean1 Couldn’t this thing be anywhere in the world?
9_11Tara United States is all the budget will allow.
9_11Dean1 It could be in Canada too.
9_11Crowley1 Don’t be silly. No self-respecting demon would ever be in Canada.
9_11Castiel2 Sam I know henceforth that all life is precious, thus I shall not kill you.
9_11Sam1 But you can heal me.
9_11Castiel2 Having so recently touched yonder ebon shore, mine eyes behold how life is fleeting.
9_11Sam1 But you can bring me back from the dead.
9_11Castiel2 Alas, bereft of my alabaster wings to snatch thou from Death’s cold grasp is beyond mine power.
9_11Sam1 I have my memories. Gadreel healed you from death.
9_11Castiel1 Parting is such sweet sorrow, yea can I bear no more the absence of friendship’s sweet company.
9_11Sam1 Cas, your resurrection spell isn’t on cooldown. Kill me, then bring me back!
9_11Castiel1 Just once could you say please?
9_11Sam2 Please?
9_11Castiel3 Well it’s too late now. I wouldn’t kill you if you were the last man on earth.
9_11Cain1 Hi.
9_11Crowley1 Holy SH&%$#@!
9_11Dean1 Really? Here? To him?
9_11Cain1 I’m Cain. I was murdering before it was cool. Now everyone’s doing it and it’s all lame.
9_11Cain1 I was in World War 1, you know.
9_11Dean1 You were in Europe in the 1910s?
9_11Cain1 What? No! That was WW2. WW1… well there were only four people on Earth, but it’s still technically true!
9_11Dean1 …How are you white?
9_11Cain2 What are you, racist?
9_11Dean1 No, I mean… according to the Bible you should be from around Mesopotamia or East Africa at least. Making you Arab… maybe Black… you definitely shouldn’t be so pale.
9_11Crowley1 Well he is demon # 2. Maybe he’s in a different body.
9_11Dean1 Then what’s up with your mark? Does it show up in whatever body you take?
9_11Cain2 If I give you a knife, will you shut up?
9_11Dean1 Which one? The first blade?
9_11Cain2 Oh you probably never heard of it, it’s the first… dammit! you have heard of it. Yeah I’ll give you the first blade. The one made before weapons went mainstream.
9_11Dean1 Why you being so helpful?
9_11Cain2 Oh I don’t get cable out here. And I’m bored. I used to watch MMA, but it’s lame now. So you’ll be fighting to entertain me instead!
9_11Dean2 *fight fight stabbity stab*
9_11Crowley2 *fight stabbity stab*
9_11Dean2 *stabbity fight stabbity fight fight stab stab*
9_11Dean1 Man, just one of those was a hassle for me like… 8 years ago. I love leveling up.
9_11Cain2 Cool. I haven’t seen a good tussle in awhile. Ok, take my mark.
9_11Dean1 Why?
9_11Cain1 You’re worthy.
9_11Dean1 You’ve been around for 6,000 years or more and never found another worthy person?
9_11Cain2 Um… Well I met a girl in the 1800s. She got me to reform. Before then I didn’t care.
9_11Crowley2 Isn’t love really mainstream?
9_11Dean1 How’s that even possible?
9_11Cain1 That anybody could love a monster like me?
9_11Dean1 No, that it took 6,000 years – or more!
9_11Cain2 She… loved me for me.
9_11Dean1 I mean, even Hitler got booty and he had a fraction of the time you have.
9_11Crowley1 Genesis 4 does say he had a wife. And kids.
9_11Cain2 Yeah but I didn’t… ‘love’ them like her.
9_11Dean1 And why is it always a woman?
9_11Cain2 What?
9_11Dean1 You talk about being lame and mainstream? Why did a woman reform you? Why not… the music of Mozart? Watching us land on the moon?
9_11Crowley3 The invention of the McRib…
9_11Dean1 Or that. I mean it’s just… predictable – and hard to believe it took you that long to find it.
9_11Cain1 Ok, now I’m pissed. I’m going to kick someone’s ass. It’s either yours or the demons’.
9_11Dean1 I pick them.
9_11Crowley1 I also vote for not us.
9_11Cain2 Alright, here’s my mark, good luck!
9_11Dean1 Huh. So… that’s the episode?
9_11Crowley1 Forget it, Dean. It’s Missouri.
9_11Dean3 Yeah. I wanted to go to Canada.

(crossposted @ http://www.thewinchesterfamilybusiness.com/archive-articles/129-season-nine/18310-nate-winchester)


4 thoughts on “9.11 – “First Born” Remix

    • SPN/FF. 😉

      Oh you mean character wise? Then Dean/Impala.

      lol “Officially” I’m of the opinion that I’m fine with any ship as long as it’s done well. Partly why I favor Sam/Sarah over Sam/Madison and I’m partial to Dean/Anna just because I have a crush on Julie. 😉 But my rule is that it’s not about the ship, it’s about the story, the writing. As long as it’s quality.

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