Zap Rowsdower Facts

Who is Zap Rowsdower? Why he is the most Canadian superhero.  Read along dear reader, but beware, for he makes the mounties seem like the marines.

the mighty Zap Rowsdower

the mighty Zap Rowsdower

  • Zap Rowsdower does not rent beer.
  • Four out of ten sacrifices agree that Zap Rowsdower is the bodyguard of choice.
  • Why has Canada never had prohibition?  Rowsdower.
  • Zap Rowsdower has discovered the cure for cancer, AIDS, male pattern baldness and every other disease.  Unfortunately no normal human can withstand that much alcohol.
  • Paul Bunyan has a blue ox.  Zap has a blue pickup.  Coincidence?
  • Rowsdower can summon any tool to hand.  As long as it’s a grappling hook.
  • Because of Zap, Canada’s drunk driving policies are graded on a curve.
  • Canada’s national defense plan is only 2 words: Zap Rowsdower.
  • Like Jesus, Rowsdower can turn any liquid into wine.  Unlike Jesus, Rowsdower does it involutnary.
  • Rowsdower is the patron saint of Irish and Scottish sterotypes.
  • Zap onced burped and caused Global Warming.
  • Rowsdower can put out a fire on a Troy’s head over 50% of the time.

P.S. We here at the institute for Rowsdower Objective Truths (iROT), are constantly searching for more information on the legendary Zap.  If you come across any other facts, post them in the comments.  If the crack research team confirms it, the fact will be officially recognized.

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7 thoughts on “Zap Rowsdower Facts

  1. Zap Rowsdower used to be a businessman, but business was so good that he retired before the age of 30 to bum around Canada in a broken pickup with a stinky denim jacket on his back. Obviously the good life.

    Also:

    Zap gets to second base with himself in his sleep. But being a man, he promptly wakes up screaming, in immaculately dry-cleaned trousers.

    A true Rowsdower can always find a cold beer in any northern wilderness.

    The name Rowsdower could be derived from two German words, Raus and dauer, except that together those words don’t mean anything much.

    Learn more odd facts about Rowsdower and other MST3K subjects at
    http://www.lustforlunch.com/is – Inventing Situations
    http://www.hipsoda.com/caption/ – Caption Crack

  2. The Final Sacrifice was influenced by Star Wars and Indiana Jones. In turn, The Final Sacrifice’s campfire scene influenced My Own Private Idaho and Brokeback Mountain.

  3. – Zap Rowsdower has won over 25 staring contests by knockout. The rest he won by fatality.

    – Zap Rowsdower’s family’s dinners are known as “Rowsdower Power Hours”

    – Zap Rowsdower’s license photo is a photo of him at the age of 14 riding a Tyrannosaurus Rex away from an exploding beer bottling plant, waving the Canadian flag. And no, he’s not looking at the explosion as he rides away.

    – Zap Rowsdower’s choice in clothing led the Canadian military to lose countless soldiers while trying to figure out the bulletproof nature of denim, until they finally realized that it was Rowsdower himself and not the Canadian tuxedo that was bulletproof.

    – Zap Rowsdower crushes beer cans with his hockey hair, ejaculates poutine, and has been known to eat entire pods of beluga whales as a light snack.

    – Zap Rowsdower uses every part of the caribou. Twice.

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