9.23 – “Do You Believe in Miracles?” remix

Last remix until Season 10!  Warning: I did see how much I could cross the line this time…

As always thanks to: http://www.homeofthenutty.com/ for screencaps and http://lolwhutgifs.tumblr.com/ for the gif this time.

	Metatron… you’ve got to come out of your room sometime!
	No! I’m going to stay in here forever!
	I’ve done that. It sucks.
	Did your room have an xbox?
	No, they tend not to give you those in jail.
	Can you at least tell me why you’re so upset?
	I… Well you see… De… Dean said…
	Come on, man spit it out.  What did the mean Winchester do to you?
	He said… I wasn’t a good villain! *loud crying*
	That bastard! What’d he say?
	Well… it wasn’t… exactly what he said… as much as… how he said it.
	… Go on.
	He… he killed Abaddon instead of me!
	She did scratch his car.
	whhhhaaaaaaaaaa *more sobbing*
	Hey now, Metty – buddy – that just means you have to try extra hard to be villainous.
	You’re just patronizing me.
	I am not! You can be just as bad as Azazel or Lilith or Lucifer or…
	Hitler?
	Who?
	He was this… nobody in Austria a few decades back. Nothing seemed to go right for the guy. Rejected from art school, arrested, shot at in World War 1, had only one testicle.
	Really?
	Oh yeah. On top of it all, he just couldn’t break into full villainy, no matter how much he said he hated Jews and other people.
	So… he failed?
	Oh no. He sold his soul for 10 years of power.
	He… did?
	Quite. Part of why he became so obsessed with the occult. He kept looking for a way out of the deal.  They gave him another decade because he was spilling so much blood for them, but in the end, the Hellhounds always come to collect. He thought he’d be safe in this bunker but Eva Braun was possessed by the same demon he made the deal with and… it didn’t go well.
	And now?
	Oh he’s the most hated man in the world! You can find more people sympathetic to Lucifer than that guy.
	Well… there you go! Hitler didn’t give up and neither should you.
	*opens door* You’re right! I’m going to go out and there be a real villain! I’m going to go do some evil, THEN the Winchesters will have to try and kill me by God!
	That’s the spirit! So what are you going to do first? Kill some specified group of people??
	=O No! Gadreel! I’m a villain. Not an asshole! You stay here and watch some of these workplace orientation videos I had made. Then when I get back, maybe you’ll understand what “Metatron Inc” is all about.
	( ._.)
	–LATER & ELSEWHERE–
	ME DEAN! ME STAB! GIVE ME STABBY THINGS!
	How long has he been like this?
	Since stabbing Abaddon.
	You guys killed Abaddon? Congratulations!
	Yep. Big bad of the season and the Winchesters took ‘er down. Because that’s how we roll.
	And all without ever calling your friends to help.
	Aw… I’m sorry Cas, but… Dean said he didn’t want you along because you’d take screentime away from Blade.
	??? I would never take screentime from Wesley Snipes! That man’s a national treasure.
	Oh. No, not him. That’s what Dean’s calling the weapon now.
	Hm. You think this has something to do with the Mark of Cain?
	Nah.
	*enters* Hey guys, can we talk a mo–
	RAR, ME STAB GUY THAT TOOK ELIZA DUSHKU FROM ME!
	Ow! Oh god the pain! How did this happen?
	I’ve been stomping around here talking about stabbing. Has nobody been paying attention to my performance?
	Thank you.
	Yeah but the academy won’t let cutlery join, much less vote.
	The people’s choice award is a good shape for stabbing.
	No, sorry, I have to stop you there.
	What? ME ANGRY AT UPSTAGING-SAM.
	Dean, 1. You never had a chance with Eliza, stop holding it against this guy. 2. The PCA? I mean it’s one thing to talk about affecting something as pathetic and common as the academy awards, but the People’s Choice? Now you’ve gone too far. Go to your room and think about what you’ve done!
	*sulks off*
	I’m sorry for my brother.
	No, it’s ok. I’m just thrilled someone actually watched Dollhouse.
	Is that… why you’re here?
	Oh no. I was wanting to ask if you guys could… try attacking Metatron?
	Why?
	He’s been feeling really down about not being considered a real villain by you guys. Think you can go rough him up or something?
	Sure. How about we just try to kill him altogether?
	Oh I think he’s really appreciate that.
	Sam, you get Dean and go take care of that. I have an idea that Gadreel and I can do “back at the base” – as they say.
	–MEANWHILE IN DEAN’S ROOM–
	They’re right! I shouldn’t hold his work against him. Besides he was pretty awesome as Helo.
	Hey now, I thought we agreed no more music.
	Yeah, now it’s stuck in my head too. Thanks. *heavy sarcasm*
	You say… that we’ve got nothing in common No common ground to start from… while others fall apart You’ll say… the world should have more killing So many lives need slicing… still I know you just don’t care. And I said, What about… stabbing that Tiffany? You said, “I think I… remember her blood And as I recall, I think… we both kinda liked it.” And I said, “Well, that’s… the one thing we’ve got!”
	For gods’ sake, PLEASE stop singing!
	Can I go stab someone?
	Yes. Gadreel just came by and asked us to go rough up Metatron.
	Meaty? Awwww but I wanted a real big bad villain.
	I know, Dean, but the alpha vamp isn’t returning our calls.
	Ugh, then we’ll stay in here. Blade wants a lite, raspberry smoothie and a karaoke machine.
	… No! Now either come along or stay in there.
	Fine, we’re coming.
	–MEANWHILE–
	This is brilliant, Castiel. When he gets back, I just know Metatron is going to love his office looking like a lair.  How did you come up with this?
	Since losing my wings I’ve had a lot of time to… watch the HGTV network.
	Hey there’s Asariel and Purah. They’ll want in on this.
	Gadreel! Stop. We can’t.
	Why not?
	*whispering* The more who know, the more likely the surprise will be ruined.
	Something else from HGTV?
	The Winchesters.
	?
	One time Dean enlisted my help getting a lady of ill repute into a cake for Sam.
	How’d it go?
	Sam was… not as excited with me in the cake as he might have been with the lady.
	So what do we do? Just walk by them?
	No, that would look too suspicious…
	I know! I’ll put you in handcuffs and pretend you’re my prisoner.
	I was about to suggest that I collect on Metatron’s deal.
	What deal?
	He promised me a spot in Heaven if I played the role of enemy.
	You have any proof?
	Damn, I should have gotten a voucher.
	Hold on, Castiel, I see a bakery.
	–MEANWHILE–
	Oh my god, she’s been hit!
	Stand aside!
	HEAL!
	Wow!
	I can’t believe it.
	I know. Isn’t it just the most evil thing you’ve ever seen?
	…
	No.
	Dammit! Why can’t I get this right??
	–LATER–
	Where’s the wanna be that calls himself a villain?
	*gasp* You came!
	Yep, I’m here to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and I’ve only got one stick remaining.
	Oh by all means, take your time. We’re in no rush.
	That reminds me. What’s the deal with this… place and those people?
	My extensive pop culture knowledge tells me that every major villain requires a base and minions. Since you can’t get a volcano any more without 3 character references, I thought I should start small.
	Not bad. You could use a cat to stroke.
	I tried to use one of orphan kids instead, but nobody would let me.
	So how you want to do this? *puts last stick of gum into his mouth* Final showdown style? Taunt and escape?
	Are we… are we supposed to do final showndown on the first confrontation? I always heard you should wait until at least the third.
	Whatever you’re comfortable with.
	I just… don’t want to seem like – you know – an ‘easy’ villain.
	I can totally respect that.
	–MEANWHILE–
	Let me say again, Castiel, that a death-trap party is just BRILLIANT.
	Ok set up the mini-guillotine for the peeps in the middle of the table.
	What about the winch to lower gingerbread men into the chocolate fondue?
	To the right of the fireplace. Gadreel! This plate of mini-sandwiches is perfect. I love how each triangle is arranged like a group of sharks circling their prey.
	Well I can’t wait to try a bite of the slow moving wall of shish kebabs.
	There’s… not really a place to put the laser slicing cheese platter on his desk.
	Just move his typewriter to the shelf behind.
	Ugh. Grunt. Can you give me a hand? It’s kind of awkward and–
	–ELSEWHERE–
	What was that?
	?
	–PREVIOUS SET–
	No, it’s fine! I saw this stuff when I worked at a gas station, called “crazy glue”. We’ll get some of that, put the tablet back together, Metatron will never know–
	WHAT HAPPENED!?!?!
	Boss, just let us explain…
	How can I be a serious villain when you guys just ruined the one thing I had going for me? I’m going to my room and never coming out! *slams door*
	._.
	._.
	–ELSEWHERE–
	What took you so long?
	Dean, you know I’m sensitive about my narcolepsy. What’s happening?
	Beats me. One minute Metatron and I are having a by-the-numbers confrontation and then he just ups and leaves.
	Without even attempting to kill you? Did he at least promise to call you back later?
	Who knows.
	There’s–
	only–
	one–
	thing–
	left!

That’s it for this season! Hope to see you all back here in season 10!

(crossposted @ http://thewinchesterfamilybusiness.com/)