9.10 – “Road Trip” Remix

The Winchester Family Business has had a bit of a flood of reviews lately so I’m going to try a little something new. Remixes of the episode which will hopefully be entertaining at least, funny at best in the spirit of classic abridges like DBZ and Yu Gi Oh. (though I will probably run detailed reviews on this blog as well) I, of course, recommend the SPN anime abridged though fair warning: their humor is of the “crosses the line twice” variety (often so many times you’ve lost track of whether they landed on funny or offensive) so those of thin skin might want to steer away.

Episode 9.10- Road Trip

	An all new Supernatural starts… right now.
	Grrrr! Dean smash!
	Awww, what’s a matter? You upset we’re in a rerun?
	Wh-? H-? We’re not in a rerun, Cas! See—^ CW said we’re in a new episode and they never lie.
	Oh ok. So where’s Sam?
	Not here. Angel got inside him and kidnapped him.
	Like in episode 5.22?
	No, this is completely different!
	So what are you going to do?
	Stabbity stab my brother.
	Like you struggled with during Season 2?
	Dammit, Cas! New episode! Drop it!
	So let’s try another way. If your bro pwned Lucifer, surely he can handle this 2-bit guy.
	That’s a great idea! How do we do that?
	Why you asking me?
	Well you’re our resident deus ex machina.
	No can do. I’m still charging my deus ex meter… Hey Crowley!
	What?
	Tag! You’re it!
	The day is mine!
	We need to get an angel out of my brother.
	Just use the angel exorcism spell.
	Whoever heard of such a thing?
	…
	Really, Cas?
	Alastair nearly used it on me in episode 4.16.
	So spill.
	And kick myself out during the reciting??? No way!
	Fine. Write it down.
	That would kick me out halfway. We don’t want to do that. (it’s messy)
	Fine. Crowley, you know it?
	Yep.
	…
	…
	Well I’m not telling you. I was tagged in to be deus ex this episode and I want screen time, dammit!
	Alright, let’s go get Sam.
	After we pose for some trailers.
	Really?
	…
	Fine, we’ll pose for some trailer fodder, THEN go get my brother.
–MEANWHILE–
	Hi there, we’re involved too, you know!
	Totally. … What am I doing?
	Busywork until I figure out what my plan is.
	Hi, my name is Busywork and I’m TOTALLY a douchebag right now.
	I’m gonna kill you.
	Why?
	Felony douchery! Stabbity stab!
	It’s a fair cop. *blarg – is dead*
–One Posing Session later–
	Why are we at the NSA again?
	Political commentary?
	Oh please, demons in government is the one thing everyone everywhere actually agrees on.
	Hey guys, we’re getting some complaints upstairs. Said the fangirls are being pandered to too much this episode so I’m here to appease both male viewers.
	Got a point, she’s pretty cute.
	Oh, I’m also going to act like a total fangirl for moderate plot convenience.
	So it wasn’t a meta commentary on the government, but on the fans?
	Totally. They’re like the NSA and watching everything we’re doing.
	Whoa, that blows my mind. Also, I got Sam’s location.
	Hey boss, I saw the protagonists. They’ve totally made Crowley deus ex this episode.
	How could they! Hang on, when did you see them?
	Uh… around the afternoon I think. The sun was out.
	And you’re just now calling me now? At night?!? Did it take that long to kill one little dog?
	Uh…. FLASH BOMB!
	Damn you, Crowley, your screentime shall be mine!
–MEANWHILE–
	Hey bro.
	Hey bro.
	Man, doesn’t being out of Heaven suck?
	Nah I’m totally making the best of it. Here are props is my daughter to garner audience sympathy for me. And now I’ll say something totally relevant to your situation.
	Thanks man, that’s just what I needed to to hear to kill you!
	Oh the irony! *blarg – I’m dead*
	Hey buddy!
	What?
	*boop*
	*blarg – I’m unconscious*
–MEANWHILE–
	Redhead here.
	And with my glasses that gives the author fetish bingo!
	You know he’s not paying any attention to what’s happening in this scene.
	Nope.
	Stabbity stab.
	*blarg – I’m dead*
–MEANWHILE–
	Ok, deus ex time! Stabbity stab you brain!
	In Sam’s lovely head? Oh the fangirls won’t like that.
	I’m not liking it!
	Did I mention I’m Gadreel?
	What? Castiel smash!
	Hang on buddy, can’t be doing that.
	Hang on. Didn’t you do this for Sam while I was interrogating Brady back in episode 5.20? Really I should get you boys a frequent customer card.
	La la la, I’m so totally pwning you n00bs!
	Shut teh up gaywad, you’re totally haxxoring!
	Didn’t we have problems getting something out of Sam in 2.14?
	Cas, Crowley, shut up! It’s a new episode!
	Then why do I have all this deja vu? … Ok, this isn’t working. He’s totally camping.
	LULZ, gg n00bs.
	This isn’t working. Ideas?
	I could possess Sam and get him out that way.
	Didn’t he have a demon inside in episode 2.14…
	Shut up, Cas, unless you’re offering ideas.
	I could vampire out Gadreel’s grace, then he’d be powerless to fight Sam.
	Wouldn’t that kill my brother?
	Probably not. It happened to me and I’m still here.
	I dunno… that sounds too easy. Where’s the tension? Where’s the drama? What if you and me jump into Sam’s head like you and he did with that guy in episode 8.08?
	Can we still do that without my wings?
	I think so. Gadreel and I did to talk Sam into my fool plan.
	I thought that was Gadreel just impersonating you.
	I thought you told Gadreel what to say, then he pretended to be you in there.
	ANYWAY! We’ve established that wingless angels can do that. So let’s go into his brain and I’ll help my brother.
	Ok, Crowley, tag me back in.
	Nope.
	C’mon! You’ve been deus ex long enough!
	I know. I can see why you hang onto it every episode.
	Then just give us the angel exorcism.
	Nah, I’m going in.
	Isn’t that suicidal or something?
	Yeah but I’ve never had a threeway. Could be fun.
	*swoon*
	Ugh. Fine, get in there.
	lolz, all your brother are belong to me.
	Crowley! What are you doing here?
	We’re in your mind, I’m pulling Inception to get you out.
	Nuh uh!
	Holy @&@#*! Who are you?
	I’m an angel. I’m also in your mind.
	Why does everyone want my brain? Can’t you just respect me for my body?
	I promise to respect you in the morning as much as I do now.
	I don’t do anything to you you don’t do already.
	Dammit, I need some zoning laws on my body… THAT’S IT! LAWYER POWERS – ACTIVATE! SUMMON… EVICTION NOTICE!
	Noooo, red tape!
	Our greatest weakness!
	And stay out!
	Sorry ’bout that dude.
	You are buying me soooo many smoothies.
	Hey, Cas. Tag back in.
	Yay! Deus ex powers – activate!
	We escape!
	Hello!
	Hi.
	Let’s fight.
	Nah, I’m going to campaign.
	What? That’s crazy!
	Why?
	You don’t vote for kings!
	Well how’d I become king, then?
	I don’t know! Maybe some Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that you, Crowley, was to be king.
	Listen, strange women lyin’ in ponds distributin’ swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
	It’d make more sense than voting. Or were you exploiting the workers? Hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society…
	You can’t expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you.
	You’re foolin’ yourself! This is a dictatorship. A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working class…
	If I went ’round sayin’ I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away.
	What if we were an anarcho-syndicalist commune? We could take it in turns to be a sort of executive officer for the week…
	But all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting…
	Be quiet.
	By a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs…
	Be quiet.
	But by a two thirds majority in the case of…
	We order you to be quiet!
	Look at the violence inherent in the system.
	Help! Help! We’re being repressed!
–MEANWHILE–
	Hey I’m running for King of Heaven!
	When did this become the election season?
–MEANWHILE–
	Hey bro, I’m like major depressed right now.
	I am NEVER going to be able to shower enough to get the feel of Crowley out of me.
	Hey guys, check it out! It’s raining all around but not where we’re standing!
	Guys! I’m trying to have a moment!
	But we already went through this.
	No we didn’t.
	I think all the continuity we broke is starting to affect the continuity within the episode.
	I’m pretty sure it was me sad over all the girls my penis killed.
	No-
	Or… maybe it was you after Ellen and Jo died?
	No! We’ve never done this before! New episode. New things. Now I’m leaving so you don’t die. …again.
	Like in episode 5.02?
	*runs screaming into the night*
	I warned him this was a rerun.
	Yeah… don’t worry. He’ll do some time traveling and be all better.
	Join us next week for a totally new, not at all rerun of Supernatural!

(crossposted @ http://www.thewinchesterfamilybusiness.com/archive-articles/129-season-nine/18295-nate-winchester-s-remix-of-supernatural-9-10-road-trip)