9.10 – “Road Trip” Remix

The Winchester Family Business has had a bit of a flood of reviews lately so I’m going to try a little something new. Remixes of the episode which will hopefully be entertaining at least, funny at best in the spirit of classic abridges like DBZ and Yu Gi Oh. (though I will probably run detailed reviews on this blog as well) I, of course, recommend the SPN anime abridged though fair warning: their humor is of the “crosses the line twice” variety (often so many times you’ve lost track of whether they landed on funny or offensive) so those of thin skin might want to steer away.

Episode 9.10- Road Trip

cw An all new Supernatural starts… right now.
Dean3 Grrrr! Dean smash!
Castiel1 Awww, what’s a matter? You upset we’re in a rerun?
Dean1 Wh-? H-? We’re not in a rerun, Cas! See—^ CW said we’re in a new episode and they never lie.
Castiel1 Oh ok. So where’s Sam?
Dean1 Not here. Angel got inside him and kidnapped him.
Castiel1 Like in episode 5.22?
Dean2 No, this is completely different!
Castiel1 So what are you going to do?
Dean1 Stabbity stab my brother.
Castiel1 Like you struggled with during Season 2?
Dean3 Dammit, Cas! New episode! Drop it!
Castiel2 So let’s try another way. If your bro pwned Lucifer, surely he can handle this 2-bit guy.
Dean1 That’s a great idea! How do we do that?
Castiel2 Why you asking me?
Dean1 Well you’re our resident deus ex machina.
Castiel2 No can do. I’m still charging my deus ex meter… Hey Crowley!
Crowley1 What?
Castiel2 Tag! You’re it!
Crowley4 The day is mine!
Dean2 We need to get an angel out of my brother.
Crowley1 Just use the angel exorcism spell.
Dean1 Whoever heard of such a thing?
Castiel1
Dean2 Really, Cas?
Castiel2 Alastair nearly used it on me in episode 4.16.
Dean2 So spill.
Castiel2 And kick myself out during the reciting??? No way!
Dean2 Fine. Write it down.
Castiel2 That would kick me out halfway. We don’t want to do that. (it’s messy)
Dean2 Fine. Crowley, you know it?
Crowley3 Yep.
Dean2
Castiel2
Crowley3 Well I’m not telling you. I was tagged in to be deus ex this episode and I want screen time, dammit!
Dean1 Alright, let’s go get Sam.
Crowley1 After we pose for some trailers.
Dean2 Really?
Crowley3
Dean1 Fine, we’ll pose for some trailer fodder, THEN go get my brother.
–MEANWHILE–
Metatron Hi there, we’re involved too, you know!
Sadreel1 Totally. … What am I doing?
Metatron Busywork until I figure out what my plan is.
Thaddeus1 Hi, my name is Busywork and I’m TOTALLY a douchebag right now.
Sadreel1 I’m gonna kill you.
Thaddeus1 Why?
Sadreel1 Felony douchery! Stabbity stab!
Thaddeus2 It’s a fair cop. *blarg – is dead*
–One Posing Session later–
Dean1 Why are we at the NSA again?
Castiel1 Political commentary?
Crowley2 Oh please, demons in government is the one thing everyone everywhere actually agrees on.
Cecily1 Hey guys, we’re getting some complaints upstairs. Said the fangirls are being pandered to too much this episode so I’m here to appease both male viewers.
Dean1 Got a point, she’s pretty cute.
Cecily1 Oh, I’m also going to act like a total fangirl for moderate plot convenience.
Castiel1 So it wasn’t a meta commentary on the government, but on the fans?
Dean1 Totally. They’re like the NSA and watching everything we’re doing.
Crowley2 Whoa, that blows my mind. Also, I got Sam’s location.
DemonSpy Hey boss, I saw the protagonists. They’ve totally made Crowley deus ex this episode.
Abaddon1 How could they! Hang on, when did you see them?
DemonSpy Uh… around the afternoon I think. The sun was out.
Abaddon1 And you’re just now calling me now? At night?!? Did it take that long to kill one little dog?
DemonSpy Uh…. FLASH BOMB!
Abaddon1 Damn you, Crowley, your screentime shall be mine!
–MEANWHILE–
Sadreel1 Hey bro.
Abner Hey bro.
Sadreel1 Man, doesn’t being out of Heaven suck?
Abner Nah I’m totally making the best of it. Here are props is my daughter to garner audience sympathy for me. And now I’ll say something totally relevant to your situation.
Sadreel1 Thanks man, that’s just what I needed to to hear to kill you!
Abner Oh the irony! *blarg – I’m dead*
Castiel3 Hey buddy!
Sadreel1 What?
Castiel3 *boop*
Sadreel1 *blarg – I’m unconscious*
–MEANWHILE–
Abaddon3 Redhead here.
Cecily2 And with my glasses that gives the author fetish bingo!
Abaddon3 You know he’s not paying any attention to what’s happening in this scene.
Cecily2 Nope.
Abaddon3 Stabbity stab.
Cecily2 *blarg – I’m dead*
–MEANWHILE–
Crowley3 Ok, deus ex time! Stabbity stab you brain!
Sadreel2 In Sam’s lovely head? Oh the fangirls won’t like that.
Dean2 I’m not liking it!
Sadreel2 Did I mention I’m Gadreel?
Castiel3 What? Castiel smash!
Dean2 Hang on buddy, can’t be doing that.
Crowley3 Hang on. Didn’t you do this for Sam while I was interrogating Brady back in episode 5.20? Really I should get you boys a frequent customer card.
Sadreel2 La la la, I’m so totally pwning you n00bs!
Crowley1 Shut teh up gaywad, you’re totally haxxoring!
Castiel1 Didn’t we have problems getting something out of Sam in 2.14?
Dean2 Cas, Crowley, shut up! It’s a new episode!
Crowley1 Then why do I have all this deja vu? … Ok, this isn’t working. He’s totally camping.
Sadreel2 LULZ, gg n00bs.
Dean2 This isn’t working. Ideas?
Crowley4 I could possess Sam and get him out that way.
Castiel2 Didn’t he have a demon inside in episode 2.14…
Dean2 Shut up, Cas, unless you’re offering ideas.
Castiel1 I could vampire out Gadreel’s grace, then he’d be powerless to fight Sam.
Dean1 Wouldn’t that kill my brother?
Castiel1 Probably not. It happened to me and I’m still here.
Dean1 I dunno… that sounds too easy. Where’s the tension? Where’s the drama? What if you and me jump into Sam’s head like you and he did with that guy in episode 8.08?
Castiel2 Can we still do that without my wings?
Dean1 I think so. Gadreel and I did to talk Sam into my fool plan.
Crowley1 I thought that was Gadreel just impersonating you.
Castiel2 I thought you told Gadreel what to say, then he pretended to be you in there.
Dean2 ANYWAY! We’ve established that wingless angels can do that. So let’s go into his brain and I’ll help my brother.
Castiel1 Ok, Crowley, tag me back in.
Crowley4 Nope.
Castiel1 C’mon! You’ve been deus ex long enough!
Crowley4 I know. I can see why you hang onto it every episode.
Dean1 Then just give us the angel exorcism.
Crowley1 Nah, I’m going in.
Dean1 Isn’t that suicidal or something?
Crowley4 Yeah but I’ve never had a threeway. Could be fun.
fangirling *swoon*
Dean2 Ugh. Fine, get in there.
Crowley3 lolz, all your brother are belong to me.
Sam2 Crowley! What are you doing here?
Crowley3 We’re in your mind, I’m pulling Inception to get you out.
Gadreel1 Nuh uh!
Sam2 Holy @&@#*! Who are you?
Gadreel1 I’m an angel. I’m also in your mind.
Sam2 Why does everyone want my brain? Can’t you just respect me for my body?
Crowley1 I promise to respect you in the morning as much as I do now.
Gadreel1 I don’t do anything to you you don’t do already.
Sam2 Dammit, I need some zoning laws on my body… THAT’S IT! LAWYER POWERS – ACTIVATE! SUMMON… EVICTION NOTICE!
Gadreel1 Noooo, red tape!
Crowley1 Our greatest weakness!
Sam2 And stay out!
Dean1 Sorry ’bout that dude.
Sam1 You are buying me soooo many smoothies.
Crowley1 Hey, Cas. Tag back in.
Castiel1 Yay! Deus ex powers – activate!
Dean1 Sam1  Castiel1 We escape!
Abaddon2 Hello!
Crowley2 Hi.
Abaddon2 Let’s fight.
Crowley2 Nah, I’m going to campaign.
Abaddon2 What? That’s crazy!
Crowley2 Why?
Abaddon2 You don’t vote for kings!
Crowley2 Well how’d I become king, then?
Abaddon2 I don’t know! Maybe some Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that you, Crowley, was to be king.
Crowley2 Listen, strange women lyin’ in ponds distributin’ swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
Abaddon2 It’d make more sense than voting. Or were you exploiting the workers? Hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society…
Crowley2 You can’t expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you.
Abaddon2 You’re foolin’ yourself! This is a dictatorship. A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working class…
Crowley2 If I went ’round sayin’ I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away.
Demon1 What if we were an anarcho-syndicalist commune? We could take it in turns to be a sort of executive officer for the week…
Demon2 But all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting…
Abaddon2 Be quiet.
Demon1 By a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs…
Crowley2 Be quiet.
Demon2 But by a two thirds majority in the case of…
Abaddon2 Crowley2 We order you to be quiet!
Demon1 Look at the violence inherent in the system.
Demon2 Help! Help! We’re being repressed!
–MEANWHILE–
Metatron Hey I’m running for King of Heaven!
fangirling When did this become the election season?
–MEANWHILE–
Dean2 Hey bro, I’m like major depressed right now.
Sam1 I am NEVER going to be able to shower enough to get the feel of Crowley out of me.
Castiel2 Hey guys, check it out! It’s raining all around but not where we’re standing!
Dean2 Guys! I’m trying to have a moment!
Sam1 But we already went through this.
Dean2 No we didn’t.
Castiel2 I think all the continuity we broke is starting to affect the continuity within the episode.
Sam1 I’m pretty sure it was me sad over all the girls my penis killed.
Dean2 No-
Sam1 Or… maybe it was you after Ellen and Jo died?
Dean2 No! We’ve never done this before! New episode. New things. Now I’m leaving so you don’t die. …again.
Sam1 Like in episode 5.02?
Dean3 *runs screaming into the night*
Castiel1 I warned him this was a rerun.
Sam1 Yeah… don’t worry. He’ll do some time traveling and be all better.
cw Join us next week for a totally new, not at all rerun of Supernatural!

(crossposted @ http://www.thewinchesterfamilybusiness.com/archive-articles/129-season-nine/18295-nate-winchester-s-remix-of-supernatural-9-10-road-trip)

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