10.03 – “Soul Survivor” Remix

This was an episode almost TOO rich in targets. So I picked one set of threads to run with.

	*blink* Dammit!
	Bwahahaha. Why kind of fool narcoleptic would choose to play “who blinks first” against anybody?
	Good point. How about we play… *pulls out box*
	No. Not that. Anything but that!
	–MEANWHILE–
	At last! Screentime shall be mine!
	…
	…
	Which way to the plot?
	*looking at map* I think we need to go that way.
	East? I thought we were heading West.
	That is West. Isn’t it? If North on the map is this way…
	Ok, the cartoon rabbit says he’s always turning left at Albuquerque. Do you see an Albuquerque anywhere?
	–MEANWHILE–
	8, 9… 10. Kentucky Avenue? With 3 houses? Nooooooo!
	Hah! I win that one. Now are you human yet or still demon?
	Rar! DEANMON SMASH!
	Well if you’re going to be like that, I guess I’ll get out My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic monopoly.
	You bastard! How can you be so cruel? Which one of us is the real monster, huh?
	Monster… human… I’m still the one kicking your ass.
	–MEANWHILE–
	You sure this throne isn’t a bit… ostentatious?
	Well we do have that captain’s chair you accepted from Shatner in lieu of his soul.
	Hah and he got hair worthy of a chair as well! Silly Canadians, thinking they have souls… Still it doesn’t seem right to sit in that chair without Dean as my Spock and Moose for my McCoy.
	Really? I see Sam as more Spock and Dean as Bones.
	Well if we could get his soul out of him again, sure, but considering–
	*interrupting* Dude! Will you just nut up already and LEAD HELL?
	Or else what?
	Or… I’ll… set myself on fire!
	*fwoosh*
	!
	Feel better?
	No. 😦
	Good! Because this is HELL, where disappointment and fire are rather standard procedures. Now get your pitchfork and go poke some damned souls.
	Man I wouldn’t have sold my soul if I knew hell was going to be so… lame.
	What does nobody get about– Forget it. Santa, you got your naughty list handy?
	Right here.
	Man I love focused marketing… hey! Castiel’s on here!
	And the nice list too. I… nobody knows what to do with him any more.
	Hmmm… I have an idea…
	–MEANWHILE–
	You have to go back to Tangled!
	😦 But Jasmine is my favorite. She’s totally hot.
	AND WHY ARE WE PLAYING DISNEY PRINCESS CANDYLAND?
	I told you Dean, this is for your own good. We’re going to make you human again.
	No human enjoys CANDYLAND!
	Maybe. But of all the games you and Crowley played, Candyland was NOT one of them. So we’re going to play this and every other boardgame demons don’t touch until you get your soul back.
	Next time you lose your soul, Sammy, I will have my revenge. I will monopoly your ass so hard Hasbro will make you a spokesman.
	–MEANWHILE–
	Let’s stop in here and ask for directions.
	Uh oh. Dead innocent bystander, and he didn’t even get a line.
	Now I’m going to kill you both to death!
	No! No! Bad angle! Papa spank.
	Why? All I wanted to be is left alone.
	And we… wait, why can’t we leave them alone?
	Uhh…
	Oh for… *STAB*
	blarg! *is dead*
	What’d you do that for?
	She was holding up the plot. Here! Take this grace, then you two need to drive seven miles that way.
	I don’t get it… why are you helping me?
	Because someone needs to wrest screentime from those boys, and I can’t do it alone.
	–MEANWHILE–
	Do you have… any sixes?
	*glare* Go… fish!
	Argh! Stop this, please! I’ll do anything!
	Ok. Be human.
	Ugh. Fine! I’m totally human, now.
	Hey guys! I’m here!
	Sorry, Cas. We’re all good now. Won’t be needing you. Maybe you’ll get some screentime next week.
	Nooooooooooo! I shall have my revenge!
	Yes… good… let the hate flow through you…
	TO BE CONTINUED

(crossposted @ http://supernaturalsnark.wordpress.com/2014/10/24/supernatural-10-03-soul-survivor-remix/)