MLP:ER – May the Best Pet Win

Dammit Mayans!  You had 1 job…  Seriously, what kind of world are we living in where we can’t depend on the WMDs of ancient civilizations any more?  (because everyone knows that all ancient civilizations had world ending weapons)  I’m betting Indiana Jones disabled it back in the 30s the bastard.

Well now that we’re all still alive, what to do what to do…  Oh right, there’s that little girls show about ponies.  You want me to talk about it?

Fine.  There’s one… blue horse. It’s got wings or something (how stoned do you have to be to write this show?) and it’s all depressed because it doesn’t have some inferior life form ruining its life and demanding attention.  Excuse me, a kid.  Pardon me again, a pet.  So it’s all “hey, I’d like to enslave a lower being to my will” so it goes over to the house of the jaundiced steed (get some vitamin C already!) with wings and they sing some ear-splitting song that, surprise, doesn’t drive every living being within a hundred miles to deafness.  I thought that was the big episode twist, but nope – it goes on! (like life)

So the stupid blue equus ferus can’t pick out a worthless lifeform and holds a contest for its favor.  And there’s this stupid turtle tortoise who just won’t go away.  Hey!  No means no, buddy.  Of course at the end of the show, the blue equine picks the reptile to share disease life with, thus teaching all our girls that the best pick for the love of their life is the one who stalks you most.  It’s Twilight all over again except the tortoise is at least better looking than Edward.


This is all one of the more clever updates to the ole Tortoise and the Hare fable.  And this time instead of sloth defeating the Hare, an accident does so and the Tortoise has to help it out.  I like the ending of them forming a friendship a bit more (though the Bugs episode is still classic).  Good on Rainbow Dash for finally remembering that loyalty in a pet is far more important than any other trait.  Now here’s hoping we get a “pet adventure” someday of the mane six [pets] saving the day.  I think Tank could take Discord (if Gummi distracts of course).

You know what I realized once the group was assembled?  The two “normal” or “common” pets – cats and dogs – belong to Rarity & Applejack.  The two of the manes which are the more stereotypical of the group.  Together it’s a perfect storm of classic conflict: city v rural, cat v dog.  Heh, how clever.

If you don’t care that much about the pets of the series (or pets in general), subtract a shell.


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