Captain Whatever #604

This issue is actually a bit more about Sam, the Falcon, than the title character.

Boy does it suck.

Oh not because of anything Sam does but because from issue 602 on this story has just been coming off the rails.  Hey look, most of the issue takes place on a train, I made a pun!

So Sam, who was knocked out last issue, wakes up on a train.  He eventually gets lose, fights some guys, goes down the train and fights some more guys and we get  several pages of him beating up ‘the Watchdogs’.  As you may recall, the watchdogs all wear armor.

And Sam is beating them up with his bare hands.

No, I’m sorry, there’s a lot of Marvel characters I could buy that from but not him or Bucky.  These guys are wearing armor.  Armor!  Why?  What good is the armor if you can be knocked out by a guy’s bare hand?  Anyway, Sam finds the train is loaded with explosives and… WHERE ARE THEY GETTING ALL OF THIS STUFF?  Is this group supposed to be a sort of underground militia or not?  News flash: Underground militias don’t have that much as far as resources go.  That’s what pisses me off so much about this storyline: there’s no difference between this group and any of the others Cap has fought before.  Replace these guys with Red Skull or Hydra or whoever and it wouldn’t make a bit of difference.

Anyway, well over halfway through, we get Brubaker’s very sad attempt to be “even handed” with the tea party movement.  Sam frees an engineer and the guy says, “…I may be mad as hell cause Wasington’s forgotten Main Street… …but I ain’t gonna blow up my own country.”  And that’s it.  There’s a brief talk about how the train’s going to hit a lobbyist convention in Vegas and they have to stop it but otherwise… nothing else.

Meanwhile, we find Bad Cap has dragged Bucky to the Hoover Dam and he’s going to blow it up! (cue tension music)

WHAT?  WHY?  Well what can we piece together from Bad Cap’s statements:

We’re making a statement.  One that will be heard all around the world.  …And there are a lot of other militia groups… living off the grid out there in the real America… Just waiting for a leader to rally around… Just waiting for a sign the tide is turning in their direction.

Do you know how many tourists are there at the dam each day?  How much power is generated by it?  You’re not going to get any allies blowing up the dam. (well, not American allies, some other countries might love you for it)  If anything, that will just make MORE people hate you and turn against your cause.  “This Cap’s crazy,” you say.  So?  The watchdogs following him don’t – at any point – go, “Hey boss, this is NOT going to aid our recruiting efforts.”  Or flat out refuse to do this?

THIS. MAKES. NO. DAMN. SENSE.

And I just read Green Lantern #52 where a microscopic life form, willing itself to move created a representation of willpower itself of the color green.  Also, a bunch of aliens with different color wish-granting wings just blew up a zombie planet (no, not a planet of zombies, the planet ITSELF was a zombie).  That STILL makes more sense than this crap.

Forget it.  I’m done reporting on this.  I might have been able to stand Brubaker’s insult if he at least had followed it with good writing nad story but… this is just horrible.

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