Thanks to Swenson of II for forwarding this to me.
For those in the know, I have been working on a fantasy novel project for most of my life. So of course I have to take this quiz. (note I have not previewed this so you’ll be getting all my answers fresh)
- Does nothing happen in the first fifty pages?
No. I mean, yes something does happen.
- Is your main character a young farmhand with mysterious parentage?
Not a farmhand.
- Is your main character the heir to the throne but doesn’t know it?
No thrones involved.
- Is your story about a young character who comes of age, gains great power, and defeats the supreme badguy?
I’m not sure if this question is legitimate. Isn’t every story that? Spider-man 1 (the movie) falls under this.
- Is your story about a quest for a magical artifact that will save the world?
Not all of it.
- How about one that will destroy it?
- Does your story revolve around an ancient prophecy about “The One” who will save the world and everybody and all the forces of good?
While there is a prophecy (but it doesn’t predict that), the story doesn’t revolve around it.
- Does your novel contain a character whose sole purpose is to show up at random plot points and dispense information?
- Does your novel contain a character that is really a god in disguise?
- Is the evil supreme badguy secretly the father of your main character?
- Is the king of your world a kindly king duped by an evil magician?
Bwahahahaha. No. (if you ever get to read my work, this question obtains lots of dark humor)
- Does “a forgetful wizard” describe any of the characters in your novel?
- How about “a powerful but slow and kind-hearted warrior”?
Ummm…. barely no.
- How about “a wise, mystical sage who refuses to give away plot details for his own personal, mysterious reasons”?
Isn’t that question 8? Anyway, not yet.
- Do the female characters in your novel spend a lot of time worrying about how they look, especially when the male main character is around?
- Do any of your female characters exist solely to be captured and rescued?
- Do any of your female characters exist solely to embody feminist ideals?
I don’t think so.
- Would “a clumsy cooking wench more comfortable with a frying pan than a sword” aptly describe any of your female characters?
- Would “a fearless warrioress more comfortable with a sword than a frying pan” aptly describe any of your female characters?
Ewww… skirting the line here. I might need to flesh her out more.
- Is any character in your novel best described as “a dour dwarf”?
- How about “a half-elf torn between his human and elven heritage”?
Half&Halfs are impossible.
- Did you make the elves and the dwarves great friends, just to be different?
They don’t even interact.
- Does everybody under four feet tall exist solely for comic relief?
- Do you think that the only two uses for ships are fishing and piracy?
No oceans involved (yet).
- Do you not know when the hay baler was invented?
I do. (I’ve even loaded hay)
- Did you draw a map for your novel which includes places named things like “The Blasted Lands” or “The Forest of Fear” or “The Desert of Desolation” or absolutely anything “of Doom”?
I admit, some of my first drafts had 1 of those, but it’s been renamed.
- Does your novel contain a prologue that is impossible to understand until you’ve read the entire book, if even then?
How do you mean “understand”? I think it’s clear what’s going on.
- Is this the first book in a planned trilogy?
Not really. If it ever proved popular I only have 4 books planned.
- How about a quintet or a decalogue?
W00t! I’m technically skirting the line!
- Is your novel thicker than a New York City phone book?
- Did absolutely nothing happen in the previous book you wrote, yet you figure you’re still many sequels away from finishing your “story”?
No, I have a rule: 1 war minimum per book.
- Are you writing prequels to your as-yet-unfinished series of books?
I have 1 planned “prequel” (sorta). You could see it as planning the backstory and waiting to reveal it. I’m leaving it up to my readers, do you think this question disqualifies me?
- Is your name Robert Jordan and you lied like a dog to get this far?
I… I don’t think so. Who am I?
- Is your novel based on the adventures of your role-playing group?
- Does your novel contain characters transported from the real world to a fantasy realm?
- Do any of your main characters have apostrophes or dashes in their names?
- Do any of your main characters have names longer than three syllables?
- Do you see nothing wrong with having two characters from the same small isolated village being named “Tim Umber” and “Belthusalanthalus al’Grinsok”?
No, that’s definitely wrong.
- Does your novel contain orcs, elves, dwarves, or halflings?
No orcs or halflings.
- How about “orken” or “dwerrows”?
- Do you have a race prefixed by “half-“?
- At any point in your novel, do the main characters take a shortcut through ancient dwarven mines?
- Do you write your battle scenes by playing them out in your favorite RPG?
- Have you done up game statistics for all of your main characters in your favorite RPG?
Not yet. (must… resist… temptation)
- Are you writing a work-for-hire for Wizards of the Coast?
No, and that kind of makes me sad.
- Do inns in your book exist solely so your main characters can have brawls?
I’m wondering now if I have any inns in my book.
- Do you think you know how feudalism worked but really don’t?
This makes me laugh. (because how could you answer yes?)
- Do your characters spend an inordinate amount of time journeying from place to place?
I try to keep those low.
- Could one of your main characters tell the other characters something that would really help them in their quest but refuses to do so just so it won’t break the plot?
- Do any of the magic users in your novel cast spells easily identifiable as “fireball” or “lightning bolt”?
What’s wrong with this? I thought it was kind of required whenever you had magic to throw at least one “fireball” somewhere. What say you? Should I change one of the spells?
- Do you ever use the term “mana” in your novel?
- Do you ever use the term “plate mail” in your novel?
- Heaven help you, do you ever use the term “hit points” in your novel?
I pray someone kills me the day I do.
- Do you not realize how much gold actually weighs?
This is probably a joke about very “rich” characters. I can’t tell you the actual weight, but I do know it’s heavy.
- Do you think horses can gallop all day long without rest?
We’ve had horses on my farm. Guess.
- Does anybody in your novel fight for two hours straight in full plate armor, then ride a horse for four hours, then delicately make love to a willing barmaid all in the same day?
- Does your main character have a magic axe, hammer, spear, or other weapon that returns to him when he throws it?
- Does anybody in your novel ever stab anybody with a scimitar?
Not yet and I’ll make sure anyone with a scimitar doesn’t.
- Does anybody in your novel stab anybody straight through plate armor?
Not that I recall.
- Do you think swords weigh ten pounds or more? [info]
None of mine do.
- Does your hero fall in love with an unattainable woman, whom he later attains?
- Does a large portion of the humor in your novel consist of puns?
I pray it never does.
- Is your hero able to withstand multiple blows from the fantasy equivalent of a ten pound sledge but is still threatened by a small woman with a dagger?
- Do you really think it frequently takes more than one arrow in the chest to kill a man?
Depends on where it hits them. As well as many other factors.
- Do you not realize it takes hours to make a good stew, making it a poor choice for an “on the road” meal?
Always does for my mom. Great now I’m hungry.
- Do you have nomadic barbarians living on the tundra and consuming barrels and barrels of mead?
Nothing that far north.
- Do you think that “mead” is just a fancy name for “beer”?
I’ve never been well versed in “mead” but it doesn’t come up for me.
- Does your story involve a number of different races, each of which has exactly one country, one ruler, and one religion?
Yes, no, no – none.
- Is the best organized and most numerous group of people in your world the thieves’ guild?
No thieves’ guild at this time.
- Does your main villain punish insignificant mistakes with death?
- Is your story about a crack team of warriors that take along a bard who is useless in a fight, though he plays a mean lute?
No musical instruments at this time.
- Is “common” the official language of your world?
Ew, another one I’m kind of skirting. Since “common” is in quotes, I’ll assume it means literally the name of the world’s language. So no.
- Is the countryside in your novel littered with tombs and gravesites filled with ancient magical loot that nobody thought to steal centuries before?
- Is your book basically a rip-off of The Lord of the Rings?
Not unless you define LotR’s plot really, REALLY broadly.
- Read that question again and answer truthfully.
I’ll let my editors answer.
Hmm…. looks like I’ve got 2 points to work on.