Final Crisis Sucks! 7

No I haven’t bought FC 7.  What I have done is check out scans daily as well as now post some random thoughts from there.

First off, thanks again to Doomkopf for proving my theory that Grant Morrison is lazy.

Part 1

Love this quote from the solicitation. “Can the heroes of 52 Earths save the multiverse?”  I don’t know?  Where have they been all this time?  Seems like the multiverse is in danger as more of an afterthought.  I do like the idea of a Superman as president (does everyone know he’s president or was it Clark Kent elected?).  Too bad we probably won’t get to see these more interesting stories told before Dan Didio craps all over them.  Morrison then proceeds to ruin it by having his trained monkey type out random words then pretend they have meaning.

Part 2

See?  This is what annoys me.  Here’s something that looks like it could be good.  For a moment you wonder if context would clear everything up but… no it won’t.  “In a halo of blazing light that seems to complete everything… old man passes like a dream.”  Could we be shown this?  What halo?  What light?  How does it complete anything?   Let’s look at an interview from newsarama.  Morrison says: “Grant Morrison: The A was Anthro and the Z was Kamandi. First Boy to Last Boy, with the whole DC Multiverse in between. In the end, as I got really into the story, it changed shape a little and now concludes, as it began, with the First Boy, now an Old Man. ”  Really Morrison?  And how are we, or anyone, supposed to know that the old man was Anthro?  Would a caption just calling him Anthro instead of “old man” over and over have killed you?

Part 3

Oh wait… could this be the missing context from 2?  Not entirely.  It’s apparently an attempt to answer my quesiton about why Darkseid decided to pick some old guy. (and how does Superman just happen to know Turpin’s DNA?  Do you know how hard that is just with training and computers?  Or remember it?  Shouldn’t Darkseid have also corrupted it beyond recognition by now?)  This next part pisses me off so much.  Morrison is slowly making the story almost engaging.  We’re on the edge of suspense… then we cut to Wonder Woman and Supergirl telling this story to kids.  Which cuts off any emotional investment we were having.  Then a reference to “Morticoccus, the God-Bacterium designed to strip Earth’s heroes of their power…”  Remember?  Morticoccus?  That must have been what WW was infected with.  Remember?  You don’t?  Yeah… why did this bacterium’s purpose have to be kept secret till now?  Might this moment have been greater if we were told what it was doing or supposed to do?  In fact, why did it have to be in the story at all?  Remove this “god-bacterium” from FC, is anything affected?  No.  This one is a symptom of the whole problem. Morrison has tried to squeeze too many ideas into a limited format.  Then isntead of developing these ideas to their full potential, we just drop them in willy nilly.  I still want to know why an “army of Supermen” can only be assembled once.  Where is that written?  In a rule book somewhere?  Why do the green lanterns recite their oath?  Because Morrison feels like ripping off Green Lantern Corps Recharge? (where it actually made sense, flowed logically from the story, and was inspiring?)  And what’s up with “No one %$%$ with the judge of all evil”?  So if I can solve a rubic cube in 17 moves I get to be a judge?  OF ALL EVIL!!!  How and why does this guy get to be “the judge”?  Why’s he taking so long?

Part 4

A black hole at the base of creation?  I’m not a physicist and I still feel insulted.

Screw you Morrison.  Stories still need to follow narrative structure, otherwise you may as well just set your word processor on “Wingdings” font and role your face across the keyboard a few times.  That might be more coherent than this garbage.

UPDATE: A commentator on scans daily adds another one of Grant Morrison’s faults:
Morrison just habitually writes things that SHOULD change the characters (if not the world) forever, then walks away leaving everyone else looking silly as they try to carry on as best as they can.”
One must wonder, if Morrison ever had to deal with his efforts leaving a lasting impact on continuity (such as JLA World War III where everyone gained superpowers), would he ever be able to write again?

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