Fight Night! – Winchesters vs the Ghostbusters

For those who may not know… One of the greatest inventions of the internet was a little site called “Grudge Match.” In the interest of shameless rippingoff loving homage, I got a good friend of mine to do a Grudge MatchTM with me. Enjoy below and vote on who you think wins the match. (note: I haven’t got a voting system yet, so for now we’ll just have to do votes by comment)

The Scenario

“That the place?” asked Winston as he parked the car in front of the tall, decrepit mansion.

Ray looked at the piece of paper in his hand. “It’s the right address.”

A cold wind blew through the overgrown yard. “It has the right atmosphere,” said Egon.

“How about a drinking game?” Peter Venkman asked, sauntering over to the door and looking at the Latin inscriptions as the others unloaded equipment from the back of the car.

“No drinking on the job,” said Egon as he settled the proton pack on his shoulders.

“We could keep a tally and do the drinking back at base,” Ray said. “How about that, Venkman?”

“Kidding, Egon, Ray. I was kidding. Hey, this is Latin, right?”

The other Ghostbusters gathered ‘round him. “Oh, we’ve hit the mother lode here!” Ray practically squeaked.

“What is it Ray?” Venkman asked.

“This is big stuff. Really big stuff. This inscription references the ‘Ocularis Infernum.’”

Peter, annoyed look on his face, turned to Egon and says, “In English this time.”

“The Ocularis Infernum is the Eye of Hell. It’s supposed to be a demonic device that allows the user to see into the future,” Egon explained.

“It’s powered by ectoplasmic energy. This whole house must have been built to open the portal,” Ray added.

“You sayin’ this house is a demon device powered by ghosts?” Winston asked.

“Thirteen to be precise,” Egon answered.

Peter opened the door. “Well, then, after you guys.”

“I don’t get paid enough for this,” said Winston.

“Here we are,” said Dean as he turned off the impala. “The ol’ Kriticos mansion,”

Sam got out of the car and examined the back of the mansion. “How many ghosts did the legends say were in there?”

Dean opened the trunk and tossed a green duffel bag at his brother. “Thirteen for sure.” He opened his sawed-off shotgun and checked the salt shells. “Our lucky number.”

“Whoa Dean, check this out.”

“What?”

“Latin. The door and door posts are covered with it.”

“Anything we should know?”

“Yeah. Looks like someone built this house to keep something in.”

“Wonderful. If we ever need a break, we can always come out to the spooky, creepy garden.”

The door gave a creak as they pushed it open and stepped inside.

The rules are simple. This isn’t over till all the ghosts are stopped. Odd number so we’ll have a clear winner. Rules for both universes ghosts apply (salt disrupts, vulnerable to the streams etc). Only addition is that any ghost in a trap is immune to the salt & burn technique. Either team may interfere with the other, but no killing is allowed. Both teams also has unlimited supplies (salt, power sources, spare parts etc) within their cars.

Nate Winchester: I must salute you for your bravery Veniteo. To come out and face a beating worse than what the Ghostbusters are going to get. This whole contest comes down to NerveTM, and the Ghostbusters don’t got it. How many ghosts do they have to put away before they stop screaming at an ectoplasmic train? The only bill higher for them than their electric, must be their laundry for all the underwear they have soiled. Meanwhile, the Winchester boys face down ghosts, wendigos and demons once a week without ever screaming or crying for mommy. Finally, we can’t overlook the car factor. No matter how retro cool the GB-mobile may be, it can’t hold a candle to the impala. We’re dealing with two teams of all guys, which means they derive their confidence from their cars. One look at the bad-ass machine the Winchesters are driving and the Ghostbusters will head home defeated. Final score? Winchesters 13 – Ghostbusters 0.

Veniteo: Now, now, let’s not be so hasty. First, you say the Ghostbusters don’t have The NerveTM, but the fact of the matter is that they have plenty of nerve when it comes to ghosts. The only reason they were screaming at that train was because they thought it was REAL—frankly, being hit by a real train is indeed a frightening prospect for those of us that are not Superman or something. They’ve faced down the likes of Vigo the Carpathian—a guy frankly harder to kill than Grigory “What? Me die?” Rasputin—and Gozer the Destroyer—an ancient Sumerian god/scourge. Now, let’s be honest, only a few of the ghosts in the house come even a little close to being in Vigo’s league, much less Gozer’s, so instead of nerve, this is going to come down to numbers. The GB’s have the Winchester boys outnumbered a good 2-to-1. Then, there’s the technology factor. With proton packs and ectoplasmic traps, the quartet can bust a good 4 ghosts to the duo’s 1. Remember: bust smarter, not harder. According to my calculations, this is a win for the Ghostbusters, 10 to 3 (and that’s being a bit generous, letting the Winchesters bag the last one).

Nate Winchester: The technology might be relevant if it worked, but one of these bozos get possessed every other Tuesday. And if one of their own isn’t sabotaging their equipment, we can count on some government busybody from the EPA to shut everything down. Sure the Ghostbusters will probably catch a ghost or two, but they’ll only be able to hold it for 5 minutes before something Goes Horribly WrongTM.. I’m not even counting the Winchesters own penchant towards sabotaging electronics (they planted an EMP bomb on the Ghostfacers!). You’re also forgetting the Ghostbusters’ greatest vulnerability: Slimer (though I can’t blame you for wanting to). Everyone knows that a hero’s power is stored within the plucky comic relief. One salt blast at Slimer and the Ghostbusters will be too disheartened to continue. The Ghostbusters’ score will fluctuate as Sam and Dean steadily build theirs up. The brothers finally sit tight on a solid 9 while letting the Ghostbusters have the last 4 just to keep from hurting their feelings..

Veniteo: Hah, the Ghostbuster’s technology is in no way deficient, and we don’t have to worry about the EPA until they get back to base. Base, where they keep the hundreds upon hundreds of ghosts they’ve busted. How many ghosts have the Winchesters handled? Not only did the Ghostbusters capture all of those hundreds of ghosts, but they did it all over again after the EPA let them out. Let’s face it, these guys are pros, while the Winchesters are only a couple steps above amateurs. Maybe Dean will mess with a trap or two, but the Ghostbusters will just dramatically recapture the ghost at The Last Possible SecondTM. And perhaps the Winchester boys will salt Slimer, but that’s only going to be after an extremely long and goofy chase during which the Ghostbusters will keep right on busting. And, one last thing, Dean and Sam are now up against a tremendous power that they’ve never faced before: Winston is a black man that doesn’t die in a ghost movie. This will prove far too great a power for them to combat. So, for the winners, who you gonna call? That’s right. Ghostbusters! The ultimate tally: Ghostbusters 14 (10 if you don’t count recaptures) — Winchesters 4 (one of those is Slimer).

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