Episode Review – Sympathy for the Devil

Quote of the episode?  Hands down winner:

“I have a GED and a give ‘em hell attitude.”

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The sign of a great SPN episode is one that grabs ahold of you and doesn’t let go until you’re screaming at the TV because the end credits rolled way too soon.  This episode was really great, packed full of twists, turns, drama and action.  The writers clearly love “the prophet chuck” way too much and using him as a commentary on their fans.  It was great seeing Meg reappear, a sign that they really intend for this to be the last season and wrap up every loose end.  Since Kripke & Co love symmetry, I’m wondering if this season will reprise a bit of season 1 with the hunt for the colt and it as a possible solution.  From some promo for the season I thought Sam would be “gifted” as the vessel for Lucifer but so far not.  I am glad the rift between the brothers hasn’t been insta-healed and they’ll actually be going through some character growth.

If I had any complaint (and it’s what’s keeping this from a full 5 shells), it was Bobby.  Don’t get me wrong, he’s awesome and I had a heart attack when it was revealed he was possessed.  Still, his stabbing with ruby’s knife (which I’m hoping we’ll learn about the rest of it) and revival at the hospital really hurts the Winchesters overall.  I mean, did they do this for anyone else they stabbed?  Quite a few were cut where Bobby was, were any of them sent to the hospital and healed?

But in the end, this was a great episode.  The “looney toon” devil cameo was brilliant and Lucifer’s tempting of his vessel sent chills down my spine.  The survival of Castiel and the boys hints that maybe God has returned to put His house in order but part of me hopes that we never really get to see Him but are only given hints (like that great, great episode Houses of the Holy).  Whenever a work introduces God (and I mean GOD-god) it inevitably spirals into preaching (pun intended).  It also makes the work divisive as now you (the author/creator of it) are saying that this is the way things are, 100%, to argue against it is to argue against God Himself, which of course is going to offend anyone who disagrees with you (as now you’ve elevated disagreement as a sin).

Still, the Man Himself hasn’t appeared yet and this episode still remains awesome.  All together now: “Let’s kill some evil sonsabitches and raise a little hell.”

Supernatural Premiere Live Blogging (season 5)

Yay!  Ellen and Rufus should be returning next week.  Still, that’s the episode end?  Damn you!  Damn you all! (pun intended)

The brothers’ bond may be permanently broken.  I’m guessing the focus of this season will be healing that.

“I have a GED and a give ‘em hell attitude.” -leading competitor for best line of the episode.

Bobby’s alive… awww heck, he’s too great to complain about.

You know, even if the show doesn’t always get some of the finer, technical aspects of theology right – I do love the way they get some of the most important themes.  Like people being corrupted and fall into evil little by little through compromises.

So Satan has to be invited in like other angels.  Looks like his demons (ex-humans) have another advantage over him.  I do like how the writing staff is making this actually tempting and “seductive” as Satan would probably really be.  So much of fiction has really sucky temptation scenes (yes I’m looking at you Star Wars).

“Yeah Satan… remind me not to drink before bed.” -Poor guy.  Loving his turn on this though.

Yay Misha!  Finally getting the chance to kick ass.  Dude rocks!

“Life as an angel condom” – I love how Sam squirms in the back there.  Also glad that they did do more with that.

Dean’s the Micheal Sword?    Eh, kind of hoping they do more with that.  Although with John as his father… there’s a lot of naughty jokes there for fans to make. (not that I will… yet)

What, every time they open John’s storage there’s bodies in there.  Damn thing’s got to be cursed worse than all the pharaohs in Egypt put together.

In some ways I hope Bobby doesn’t survive in the hospital just because it cheapens the deaths of all the previous victims that were stabbed by the knife.

Blood on the knife and out of the crib.  Sorry if you were just sobering up.

Bobby’s dead?  Nooooooo!  Still, if he had to die…

Ouch!  Meg with the crotch kick.  That’s cold.

Meg is back!

Noooo!  No possess Bobby!  Damn you Kripke & co.

John Winchester’s lockup has the Sword of Michael?  Told you he was a total badass.

I am now totally hoping we get to see Sam Winchester addressing the world in an international broadcast apologizing to everyone.  “My bad all.  Totally my fault.”

Ok it’s official.  This fangirl is TOTALLY based on sephira.  No matter how much she’ll try to deny it, you know she’s dreamed about doing that Jared.

Fan fic writer!  I wonder how much research the writers put into this.  A call out to Galaxyquest there.

I thought that fellow looked familiar.  He was Jacob from the last episode (so far) of Lost.  A bit ironic that he plays a god-figure on that show only to turn around and play satan on this one. (assuming the “chosen” comment means he will be Satan’s vessel – part of me is wondering if they’ll turn around and make it Sam)

Guy’s bed is full of blood.  Those playing at home should be pretty drunk by now.

Gotta love Jensen and the way he says “Just gotta find… the Devil” with full “Oh shit”ness.

Several instance of “blood” in the first ten minutes.  Perhaps we have a new drinking game this season?

Apocalypse Now… this is already starting as the most punny episode ever.

There’s “Misha Collins” under ’starring’ with Jared & Jensen.  Grats Misha!  (poor Jim Beaver still is a guest star)

“Sympathy for the Devil” is the title.

Hmmm…. seems the title this season is using blood as the previous one used birds.  I guess we’re going to get more of Sam feeding or something.

“What the hell” Dean?  Bad pun!

Looney Toons?  Gotta love Kripke & Co.

Another recap of season 4 with a kick ass song (not Carry on Wayward Son but still awesome) and we pick up right where 4 ended.

Cure for Hiatus – #11 Supernatural magazine

The cover of this issue is a pretty good hint of things to come.  White/Silver with the boys dressed nicely.  Nothing stand-outish, standard all around.

Regulars – No top 5 again this issue, I guess it’s been dropped from the magazine for good.  A nugget in the letter section deals with the legend of the creature of boggy creek.  Which makes MST3k fans laugh immediately.  Of course the Myths & Legends segment goes over Sirens – who showed up in the episode which I gave my lowest grade ever to.  But I won’t hold it against the magazine.  Usually when the magazine’s regulars are “standard” I can still remember them.  This issue is forgettable so… I’m going to have to give it a 2.

Specials

A walk on the dark side – Jared & Jensen – The regular boys feature isn’t bad this time.  8 pages with more pranks, fart jokes, golf and talk about what will happen to Sam… All pretty good.  It helps the magazine when it can get caught up with what’s happened on the show and stay ahead of what’s coming down the pike.  Still, it’s confirmed that Misha Collins is becoming a regular cast member for the last season (a first I think) so will they start including him in these features?  One can hope.  Let’s give this a 4.

Stay Razor! – Ghostfacers – Now this rocks.  8 pages of an interview with A.J. Buckley and Travis Wester in character (though they do get an interview with their real selves in a side nugget) and it is a lot of fun.  If you’ve watched the show, you can almost hear them in your head as you read this.  It even functions as a large advertisement for the ghostfacers website.  This is some good meta shit right here.  5 out of 5!

Hot Properties – A 5 page discussion on all the gadgets of the show.  If I had any complaint about it, it’s that they didn’t go into enough details.  For instance, they talk about how there’s a sawed-off shotgun that’s “real” and working and another with a rubber stock on it for hitting the actors in the face with.  They even talk a little about creating the colt.  Would that they had talked more about other famous props from the show so I’m lowering the score to 4.

A Kind of Magic – Barry Bostwick – A fairly standard interview with one of the aging magicians from Criss Angel is a Douchebag.  I did find one factoid in there interesting in those 6 pages: they didn’t use a young actor with old makeup for the part of Charlie, but an older actor and his son, which was a neat bit of movie “magic”.  Barry comes off as a decent chap though I think the interview would be much more interesting if they had gotten all 3 of the magicians from that episode in there talking.  After the stellar ghostfacers segment, this comes off as a bit of a disappointment.  Gotta give it a 2.

What’s in a Name? – An interesting 8 pages of testing your fandom.  Can’t say there’s anything new here although the tally of where the brothers’ aliases come from is fun.  Nothing exceptional but it is handy if you want to play SPN trivia with your friends.  A fun 3.

High School Confidential – Like the main feature with the brothers, this is another article on the brothers Sam and Dean, as played by two younger actors for flashbacks in After School Special.  I think every fan can admit that both Colin Ford and Brock Kelly did a great job and after reading these 5 pages, you almost wish they had a prequel series about the Winchesters to show off in.  The layout was also unique and well done.  A 4 all in all.

A standard issue all in all. Nothing exceptional for the casual fans and even the hardcore fans can forgo this issue unless they really need their fix.

Cure for Hiatus – Supernatural RPG

As we approach the fifth and final year of Supernatural, it is a bittersweet affair as the realization that some day the show will be on permanent hiatus and every week will need a cure with no end in sight.  It is most fortuitous then that margaret weis productions ltd has released the Supernatural RPG at this time as now the fans can make their own cures forevermore.

For those who don’t know, RPG = “Role Playing Game”. Everyone gets together with each person bringing pen, paper, some dice and Mountain Dew. Dungeons & Dragons is the most “infamous” of the RPG market as it was also the first of its kind.  Although I myself am a gamer, I haven’t dabbled much in the pen & paper editions save for a few rounds with friends.  So how does this book measure up in my limited experience?

In truth, I love it.  Most adventures I was in worried far less about the “role playing” part of the game and more the straight up combat.  Which is fun I’ll admit*, but then it’s no different from a thousand video games.  The SPN RPG heavier emphasis on the role playing aspect is obvious when you realize that combat in the game doesn’t have its own section, it’s just a part of the larger playing rules.  Or how in D&D, most ‘feats’ that a character can get are related to combat while the SPN equivalent (assets) has only 2-5 out of 48 relating to combat.

One concept I enjoyed is the idea of “plot points”.  Basically these give the players some GM (Game Master – Dungeon Master is the D&D equivalent) powers but quantify it as a currency to keep things from getting out of hand.  So rather than players justifying something to the DM, they can just pay for it with these plot points and keep things running.  How do players get these plot points?  Well to get those previously hinted at assets, you have to pick an equivalent complication.  While many min-max’ers are quite familiar with this concept, in SPN there are no “dud” complications.  Mute may not seem like that big a deal now, but try interviewing that witness or calling for help when in a sticky situation.  Still, if you have a complication and work with it in gameplay (i.e. you have a traumatic flashback at the worst moment), the GM rewards you with plot points.

Another thing I was a big fan of in this game is that nothing is more important in it but to be fun and keep things moving.  Some of the more frustrating D&D rounds were getting the game locked up as players started hunting through countless volumes as they hunted down that one particular rule…  In SPN, the GM only needs half a dozen charts as most everything else is done by dice roles.  You don’t roll a d20 and compare it to my “AC”.  No you roll your attack and I roll my defense and we see who has the higher numbers (very Risk like).  This keeps the GMs from being the game’s “book keeper” and helps them get involved with the interaction and fun as well.  Fighting itself is 1 round = 3 seconds and while there are some free actions (like talking), the GM is encouraged to enforce a bit of a time limit. (if I ever GM, i’m debating about bringing one of those chess clocks…)

All in all SPN RPG comes off as a really immersible experience.  Written in a very Dean-esque casual style and printed in a format that looks very much like a hunter’s journal, everything about it sucks you into the world.  If you’re a hardcore gamer, then you’ve probably already adapted an existing system to the SPN universe.  If, however, you’re one with only a few books or just a big SPN fan that wants to be a part of that world, this is a better investment than any video game that might release.  I could go on and on praising it but I think I’ll let the score, speak for itself.

Who wants to play?

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*Especially if you can stop the apocalypse by anally raping a demon.  But that’s another story I won’t trouble you with unless someone asks.

Cure for Hiatus – the Supernatural Book of Monsters, Spirits, Demons, & Ghouls

Welcome to Supernatural week here on the blog.  The last Supernatural premiere ever (pardon me, had something in my eye) will be hitting the airwaves this Thursday so I will be counting down to it all this week ending with a live blogging of the premiere itself.

First up is a review of a book that came out awhile ago but I wasn’t able to review because of finances at the time.  It’s not badly written as Alex Irvine manages to capture the style of the Winchesters fairly well.  There are some sections which are written with a script style that can be challenging for those with weak vision.  Hardcore fans will be able to pinpoint when this book was written without looking at the copyright as it makes reference to psychic kids discovered as well as an extended section on hunting down Azazel.  Some parts have been rendered out of date as there is a section on ghouls which prescribes fire.  Those who watched “Jump the Shark” know you have to blow the head off.

These little idiosyncrasies make the book bitter sweet and prove the adage that when you have a mythology rich show like SPN, it’s best to wait till it’s finished (or further along than a year and a half) to do a book on its lore.

All in all I give this book

It’s not a bad read but save your money. Hardcore completists (both of us) might pick it up but really you should wait for a 2nd edition that will (hopefully) include Lucifer. It does make a good companion for the SPN RPG (review later this week) so those wanting to run some games might look at this book as a supplement – until the monster manual releases.

Faith & Culture

I’m not sure I could ever find anything more depressing than walking into a Christian store.  Why?  Because it’s like walking into a Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer movie: everything’s a parody, no originality.  Look!  In the window!  It’s a Christian edition of Rock Band.  Why?  Why don’t Christian bands and group sell their music for rock downloads on the regular Rock Band or Guitar Hero?  Why didn’t faithful developers create this play style to begin with?

Once upon a time, men of faith were the greatest innovators the world had ever seen.  The printing press (one of the cornerstones of modernity) was invented by a man who wanted to make the Bible available to all.  Mendel in studying God inside the monastery and in the field laid the foundation for genetics.  Examine some of the greatest works of art throughout time, many of these were made by men of faith – for faith.

Yet today, what do I see around me?  Music copied from other singers with Christianized lyrics slapped on.  Games rehashed with “God” shoehorned into the plot.  Where is the originality?  Where are the Christian innovations?  What’s worse than a lack, is that so many have been shunned.  Tolkien was a man of great faith who revolutionized the fantasy genre and literature (and the movie based upon that work revolutionized some things too). But do you find the displays within the stores dedicated to him like there are of C.S. Lewis? (though I admit being a big fan of Lewis)  Another great, powerful, Christian work of art recently released was Rowling’s own Harry Potter series.  Yet there is no praise or encouragement for this woman from her own brothers in sisters in faith!  Some even condemn her.  Vox Day, a man who’s written three Christian fiction stories and the Irrational Atheist had this to say about his own publishing efforts:

The sad thing is that an author could probably get more press from the Christian media by writing a lousy novel about a transexual serial killer priest who rapes and murders his way to the papacy than he could by writing a good novel written from a Christian worldview that glorifies Jesus Christ. If Christians will not support Christian alternatives, then they had better not be surprised when the alternatives to the worldly things that offend them disappear altogether.

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Examine the following.

1. A villain kills an innocent man using a wand.
2. A villain kills an innocent man using a gun.

1. A guy uses a crystal ball to see what’s happening in a distant desert.
2. A guy flips on a TV to see what’s happening in Iraq.

According to some, number 1 in both examples is much worse than number 2.  Why? (answer: it’s labeled “magic”)

In an effort to fight the cultural virus of postmodernism, many Christians have resorted to over-standardization.  They have forgotten that while Jesus might be the only path to God, there are many paths to Jesus (see: the New Testament).  Yet every work of fiction is largely the same.  The same heroes, the same trials… the command to rely upon God has been warped to the point that only Deus ex Machina are allowed to save the day.  The wild, untamed God is made nice and safe while the heroes aren’t allowed to be too imperfect.

The worst of it is that I’d like to be a “real” writer some day.  While I would expect to be bashed and hated by some elites and critics (who take art way too seriously) being disowned and hated by family (as I probably would be by brothers and sisters of faith) is rough.

Still… the best part about faith, is that it reminds you there are some things worth fighting for.

Quotes of the Day

Cremation: “Shouldn’t you do your part to prevent zombies?”

Rosie O’Donnell is to porn what Chuck Norris is to fun: nobody makes it of them and lives.

NW watches – District 9

TL:DR – A+ for effort, creativity and originality. If you like sci-fi movies or films that stick in your head after you leave the theater, go see it.

(4 shells. Good, but not perfect.)

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Spoiler Review – I loved how the movie started out with a “discovery channel” feel to it, allowing the storytellers to blatantly dump exposition on the audience in a method that is sublime in its audacity and how well it fits with everything.  Although I’ve only seen it once, what I remembered fit really well together and this looks to be a movie that rewards people for watching it multiple times.

The biggest question from everyone is: “why are the aliens stuck?  why are they putting up with this?”  The explanation in the movie amounts to this: these are all the blue-collar aliens.  Something has happened to the “tech support” prawns so the rest are stuck with a lot of tech they can’t use.  And because of basic designs, humans can’t use it either.  Some have objected to this explanation but in doing so have assumed that knowledge is universal to the prawn species and has ignored the reality of humanity itself.  I probably found this explanation compelling because I work in tech support for a company.  If our building was transported to some far away world and everyone in the department was killed off, a month until all computers etc break down would be optimistic. (some customers admit freely they are “computer illiterate”)  The only real weakness I found with this explanation is that we are never given any hint of what it is that caused the loss of “tech support”.  It makes more sense if you assume that the ship which appears in the air is actually a prison ship sent out from the prawns designed to dump the degenerates of their society elsewhere.

I do like that very little is explained about the prawns themselves, that they maintain a very “other” feel throughout the film.  However, as the main character is altered and changed into one of them it would have been nicer if he had used the opportunity to learn more about them (and through him, we would too).  Not everything had to be answered, but some hints could have been given.

Of particular interest to me is how exactly they breed.  There is a brief mention of “inter-species prostitution” which bugged me as completely unnecessary.  Ok, some sick humans might find them attractive (and I’m surprised we didn’t see some “prawn cultists” mutilating themselves to look more like the aliens) but why would they find humans attractive?  There’s no obvious indication that some prawn are male or female but they do breed in the movie.  Are they actually asexual?  Omnisexual?  The line about prostitution muddles the issue instead of clarifying anything.

Watching the bureaucrats “abort” a shack full of prawn eggs and talking about “permits for that child” were the most chilling moments for me.  Slavery would almost seem preferable to that situation (because then, in theory, your masters would want and encourage breeding perhaps).

Although I have a very cynical view of people in general, my only complaint about the movie is that all the soldiers are little more than one dimensional props.  Very few actual humans come off as sympathetic in this film.  The only one beyond the protagonist is a bureaucrat friend/subordinate of his.  Would it have been to much to have his friend be a soldier?  One that helps Viktor fight at the end?  It’s not that I have a problem with soldiers as villains, it’s that THAT is all we’ve had lately in culture.  It would be nice to mix things up a little.

Other than the above, the movie does a pretty good job of giving the audience enough information or hints to reach satisfying answers to any questions they might have.  This movie is ultimately a morality play, one that makes you think about mankind and how we treat each other (and the eternal conflict between the sanctity of the home and private property with the plight of the refugee).  Although there is plenty of room for a sequel, this is why I’m ultimately hoping there is none.  A sequel would either have to shed the parable or “crank it to 11″ making the film overly preachy and annoying.

I hope many will come by and talk with me.  This film is a worthy jump point for countless philosophical discussions.  A sign of good art.

Writing Talk – Subtlety vs Laziness

While surfing the internet one day, I came across an old review of the Star Wars prequels.  Though out a review of Episode 3: RotS, the author kept making comparisons between that movie and the Lord of the Rings movie(s).  Normally I’d just laugh at the author and move on but then I watched the Nostalgia Critic’s comparison of Batman and The Dark Knight.  There NC claimed that the original Batman movie was more subtle than tDK.

Now I admit that I’ve always found Tim Burton to be a great visual director, but never found much ‘heart’ to his films.  Was there really subtlety to one of his films?  Is there subtlety to any of the Star Wars films?

For many audiences, having something not stated automatically equals subtlety.  What led to my disagreement with both NC and the nameless reviewer is that their statements that ___ was “more subtle” ultimately amounted to the storyteller leaving parts of the narrative out all together.  If we did not have a mythos rich character in American culture known as “Batman” would the movie of said name still have the same “subtlety”?  If the mythos of Star Wars didn’t have so many hardcore worshipers that desperately needed the story to be a coherent whole, would Lucas really be given as much credit?  The question remains: what is a subtle turn of the story, and what is sheer laziness from the storyteller?  Upon reflection, I think I figured it out.

Plot is at its most basic, an answer to the fundamental questions: Who, What, Where, When.
Who is involved?
What is happening?
Where is it happening?
When is it happening?
These are rather general and there is a lot of play within the questions.  Smart readers will notice I left two related questions out: How and Why.  It is these two questions that the principle of subtlety turn.

‘How’ is the least important part of the question.  Ideally, especially in speculative fiction, you want to answer the question of “How is this happening?” fairly clearly.  But subtlety can be worked into a story by giving hints about the ‘how’ without making it as obvious as ‘Who’, ‘What’, etc.  The key point is to keep in mind whether you want readers asking this question.  If it’s something that you want readers debating over, then keep it hidden.  If, however, you prefer the readers to worry more about the hero fighting the big bad and arguing less over the transportation mechanics the hero used to get to the evil fortress, then answer ‘how’ as quickly and clearly as possible.

This leaves us with the most important and fundamental aspect of subtlety in my opinion: ‘Why is this happening?’ This is one question I would invite most writers to never answer unless it involves the most mundane, technical aspects of the plot.  However, here is where the line between subtlety and laziness is most clear.  While you shouldn’t answer ‘why’, as a writer you should at least leave clues as to what the answer is or could be.  Every member of your audience should be able to deduce an answer to ‘why’ solely from your story (external materials are a no-no).  If a ‘why’ question has to be answered using a large set of invented suppositions, then you’re not being subtle, you’ve gotten lazy.

At least, this is what I think the difference is.  What do you think?

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*Many mind-screw stories involve drawing the audience into questioning the “what” or “when” of the plot along with the question.  However there is still the fundamental basis that something has happened.  The details of it are what matter.

Fantasy Quiz

Thanks to Swenson of II for forwarding this to me.

For those in the know, I have been working on a fantasy novel project for most of my life.  So of course I have to take this quiz. (note I have not previewed this so you’ll be getting all my answers fresh)

1. Does nothing happen in the first fifty pages?
   No.  I mean, yes something does happen.
2. Is your main character a young farmhand with mysterious parentage?
   Not a farmhand.
3. Is your main character the heir to the throne but doesn’t know it?
   No thrones involved.
4. Is your story about a young character who comes of age, gains great power, and defeats the supreme badguy?
   I’m not sure if this question is legitimate.  Isn’t every story that?  Spider-man 1 (the movie) falls under this.
5. Is your story about a quest for a magical artifact that will save the world?
   Not all of it.
6. How about one that will destroy it?
   No.
7. Does your story revolve around an ancient prophecy about “The One” who will save the world and everybody and all the forces of good?
   While there is a prophecy (but it doesn’t predict that), the story doesn’t revolve around it.
8. Does your novel contain a character whose sole purpose is to show up at random plot points and dispense information?
   Not yet.
9. Does your novel contain a character that is really a god in disguise?
   No.
10. Is the evil supreme badguy secretly the father of your main character?
    No.
11. Is the king of your world a kindly king duped by an evil magician?
    Bwahahahaha.  No. (if you ever get to read my work, this question obtains lots of dark humor)
12. Does “a forgetful wizard” describe any of the characters in your novel?
    Not yet.
13. How about “a powerful but slow and kind-hearted warrior”?
    Ummm…. barely no.
14. How about “a wise, mystical sage who refuses to give away plot details for his own personal, mysterious reasons”?
    Isn’t that question 8?  Anyway, not yet.
15. Do the female characters in your novel spend a lot of time worrying about how they look, especially when the male main character is around?
    Not yet.
16. Do any of your female characters exist solely to be captured and rescued?
    Not yet.
17. Do any of your female characters exist solely to embody feminist ideals?
    I don’t think so.
18. Would “a clumsy cooking wench more comfortable with a frying pan than a sword” aptly describe any of your female characters?
    No.
19. Would “a fearless warrioress more comfortable with a sword than a frying pan” aptly describe any of your female characters?
    Ewww… skirting the line here.  I might need to flesh her out more.
20. Is any character in your novel best described as “a dour dwarf”?
    No.
21. How about “a half-elf torn between his human and elven heritage”?
    Half&Halfs are impossible.
22. Did you make the elves and the dwarves great friends, just to be different?
    They don’t even interact.
23. Does everybody under four feet tall exist solely for comic relief?
    No.
24. Do you think that the only two uses for ships are fishing and piracy?
    No oceans involved (yet).
25. Do you not know when the hay baler was invented?
    I do. (I’ve even loaded hay)
26. Did you draw a map for your novel which includes places named things like “The Blasted Lands” or “The Forest of Fear” or “The Desert of Desolation” or absolutely anything “of Doom”?
    I admit, some of my first drafts had 1 of those, but it’s been renamed.
27. Does your novel contain a prologue that is impossible to understand until you’ve read the entire book, if even then?
    How do you mean “understand”?  I think it’s clear what’s going on.
28. Is this the first book in a planned trilogy?
    Not really.  If it ever proved popular I only have 4 books planned.
29. How about a quintet or a decalogue?
    W00t!  I’m technically skirting the line!
30. Is your novel thicker than a New York City phone book?
    Not yet.
31. Did absolutely nothing happen in the previous book you wrote, yet you figure you’re still many sequels away from finishing your “story”?
    No, I have a rule: 1 war minimum per book.
32. Are you writing prequels to your as-yet-unfinished series of books?
    I have 1 planned “prequel” (sorta).  You could see it as planning the backstory and waiting to reveal it.  I’m leaving it up to my readers, do you think this question disqualifies me?
33. Is your name Robert Jordan and you lied like a dog to get this far?
    I… I don’t think so.  Who am I?
34. Is your novel based on the adventures of your role-playing group?
    No.
35. Does your novel contain characters transported from the real world to a fantasy realm?
    Uh oh…
36. Do any of your main characters have apostrophes or dashes in their names?
    No.
37. Do any of your main characters have names longer than three syllables?
    No.
38. Do you see nothing wrong with having two characters from the same small isolated village being named “Tim Umber” and “Belthusalanthalus al’Grinsok”?
    No, that’s definitely wrong.
39. Does your novel contain orcs, elves, dwarves, or halflings?
    No orcs or halflings.
40. How about “orken” or “dwerrows”?
    Nope.
41. Do you have a race prefixed by “half-”?
    Question preempted.
42. At any point in your novel, do the main characters take a shortcut through ancient dwarven mines?
    Not exactly…
43. Do you write your battle scenes by playing them out in your favorite RPG?
    Not yet.
44. Have you done up game statistics for all of your main characters in your favorite RPG?
    Not yet. (must… resist… temptation)
45. Are you writing a work-for-hire for Wizards of the Coast?
    No, and that kind of makes me sad.
46. Do inns in your book exist solely so your main characters can have brawls?
    I’m wondering now if I have any inns in my book.
47. Do you think you know how feudalism worked but really don’t?
    This makes me laugh.  (because how could you answer yes?)
48. Do your characters spend an inordinate amount of time journeying from place to place?
    I try to keep those low.
49. Could one of your main characters tell the other characters something that would really help them in their quest but refuses to do so just so it won’t break the plot?
    No.
50. Do any of the magic users in your novel cast spells easily identifiable as “fireball” or “lightning bolt”?
    What’s wrong with this?  I thought it was kind of required whenever you had magic to throw at least one “fireball” somewhere.  What say you?  Should I change one of the spells?
51. Do you ever use the term “mana” in your novel?
    Argh no!
52. Do you ever use the term “plate mail” in your novel?
    No!
53. Heaven help you, do you ever use the term “hit points” in your novel?
    I pray someone kills me the day I do.
54. Do you not realize how much gold actually weighs?
    This is probably a joke about very “rich” characters.  I can’t tell you the actual weight, but I do know it’s heavy.
55. Do you think horses can gallop all day long without rest?
    We’ve had horses on my farm.  Guess.
56. Does anybody in your novel fight for two hours straight in full plate armor, then ride a horse for four hours, then delicately make love to a willing barmaid all in the same day?
    No.
57. Does your main character have a magic axe, hammer, spear, or other weapon that returns to him when he throws it?
    No.
58. Does anybody in your novel ever stab anybody with a scimitar?
    Not yet and I’ll make sure anyone with a scimitar doesn’t.
59. Does anybody in your novel stab anybody straight through plate armor?
    Not that I recall.
60. Do you think swords weigh ten pounds or more? [info]
    None of mine do.
61. Does your hero fall in love with an unattainable woman, whom he later attains?
    No.
62. Does a large portion of the humor in your novel consist of puns?
    I pray it never does.
63. Is your hero able to withstand multiple blows from the fantasy equivalent of a ten pound sledge but is still threatened by a small woman with a dagger?
    No.
64. Do you really think it frequently takes more than one arrow in the chest to kill a man?
    Depends on where it hits them.  As well as many other factors.
65. Do you not realize it takes hours to make a good stew, making it a poor choice for an “on the road” meal?
    Always does for my mom.  Great now I’m hungry.
66. Do you have nomadic barbarians living on the tundra and consuming barrels and barrels of mead?
    Nothing that far north.
67. Do you think that “mead” is just a fancy name for “beer”?
    I’ve never been well versed in “mead” but it doesn’t come up for me.
68. Does your story involve a number of different races, each of which has exactly one country, one ruler, and one religion?
    Yes, no, no – none.
69. Is the best organized and most numerous group of people in your world the thieves’ guild?
    No thieves’ guild at this time.
70. Does your main villain punish insignificant mistakes with death?
    No.
71. Is your story about a crack team of warriors that take along a bard who is useless in a fight, though he plays a mean lute?
    No musical instruments at this time.
72. Is “common” the official language of your world?
    Ew, another one I’m kind of skirting.  Since “common” is in quotes, I’ll assume it means literally the name of the world’s language.  So no.
73. Is the countryside in your novel littered with tombs and gravesites filled with ancient magical loot that nobody thought to steal centuries before?
    No.
74. Is your book basically a rip-off of The Lord of the Rings?
    Not unless you define LotR’s plot really, REALLY broadly.
75. Read that question again and answer truthfully.
    I’ll let my editors answer.

Hmm…. looks like I’ve got 2 points to work on.